As a treat
for all our red-blooded male readers we have gathered together
a selection of some ladies who share a love of zider. Now we're
not suggesting that you attempt to woo these girls with your
knowledge of pressing, scratting and fermentation, as the chances
are they'll try and have you arrested, but if you see them down
the pub supping on a nice pint of JJJ then you'll know why.
Joss
Stone
The
teenage soul sensation from Devon recently claimed her
county to be the home of cider, in response to Justin
Hawkins' claim that Lowestoft is the home of rock. She
may have been mistaken, as clearly Somerset is the home
of cider, but it is good to see her showing such a healthy
interest in the juice of the apple, even if she isn't
old enough to drink it for another year. Perhaps spending
too much time in the vicinity of the Glastonbury Cider
Bus this summer was the turning point in her conversion
to cider, as since then there have been numerous reported
sightings of her clutching a bottle of White Lightning
on the streets of Devon.
A
review of Joss' performance at Glastonbury is in our Glastonbury
section here
Emily
Eavis
As
co-organiser of the Glastonbury Festival, Emily no doubt
spends much of her time drinking cider, and probably also
lighting fires. She also does a lot of work for Make
Trade Fair , a charitable organisation who could ensure
apple producers receive a fair wage, although at present
they seem to concentrate most of their activities in the
Third World. We didn't actually spot Emily and Joss together
at the Cider Bus this year, but it is surely only a matter
of time.
Helen
Chamberlain
"Hells
Bells", pictured here in a recent photoshoot for
Penthouse, is undoubtedly Torquay United's most famous
fan. If we accept Joss Stone's argument (above) that Devon
is the home of cider then clearly such a high-profile
Devonian as the Soccer AM presenter is also highly likely
to be a cider drinker. This theory was confirmed last
year when some of the HMZ team appeared as fans of the
week on the programme, and were able to discuss the merits
of cider with Helen. She revealed that her favourite drinking
location is Ye Olde Cider Bar in Newton Abbot, where her
favourtie tipple is Thatchers Traditional.
Gwyneth
Paltrow
As
described on our Famous Zider
Drinkers page Gwyneth and her husband Chris Martin
(another who could Make Zider Fair) decided to demonstrate
their love of cider to the world by naming their daughter
"Apple". Since the revelation of their baby's
name some months ago, HMZ has been investigating the couple's
interest in cider, and now believe that young Apple was
in fact conceived in the Thatchers orchards, just off
the M5, which prompted the couple to choose the name.
During the filming of "Shakespeare in Love"
Gwyneth insisted the script would be more realistic if
the bard was writing his plays under the influence of
a couple of Exhibitions, but unfortuantely the blonde
actress had got carried away with her cider-infatuation
and muddled her history, as in fact Exhibition was not
invented until 1789 (and is largely credited with provoking
the French Revolution).
Cathy
Barry
Bristol's
biggest porn star (in whatever sense you choose!) is
a keen cider drinker, and regularly tours local pubs
where she has a pint with the locals before giving them
a little show. There is plenty of photo evidence of
Cathy in pubs, but unfortunately it would besmirch the
good reputation of HMZ to include them here. We wouldn't
want you thinking we're a bunch of perverts! So you'll
just have to take it from us that Cathy likes her cider
by the jugs...ok this is getting silly, lets move on!
Susan
Osman
Although
she is probably old enough to be the mother of some of
our other lady cider drinkers, the BBC Points West presenter
is well known in broadcasting circles for being the first
to the bar to get herself half a Stowford Press with a
slice of lemon. In bringing the news to the region Susan
regularly brings us the latest on new developments in
the world of cider; whether its a new marketing idea from
Matthew Clarke, or the troubles facing local producers,
Susan is always there with the apple stories. There have
also been rumours linking her romantically to Tommy Banner
of the Wurzels, which if true would make them the First
Couple of the West Country.
Charlotte,
from The Subways (left) -
Bassist
of the band who'll be kicking off Glastonbury 2005
on the Pyramid Stage. Charlotte wanted to play first
so she can get down the Cider Bus as soon as possible.
Before their recent Bristol gig, the band were spotted
in The Seven Stars pub drinking massive amounts
of Cheddar Valley, which resulted in Charlotte mis-timing
her star-jump, pictured left.
Nikkala
(right) - Page
3 girl who is really called Louise (they make up
fake names in the paper to deter stalkers, but it's
too late for that, we've found her!) also from Devon.
"Nikkala" had the misfortune of snogging
Gents from HMZ during his 5-day cider binge, which
not only means she must be attracted to the smell
of cider, but also that she will now be over the
legal drink-drive limit for the next 8 years just
from inhaling the Taunton Special Vat fumes.
Disclaimer:
Please note that some of the facts on this page are completely
made up. Thank you.
