Gents
- Managing Director responsibility:
Everyone else’s lives becoming overwhelmed by cider-making.
Gents
was the one who had the original idea of producing our own
cider, and so will be the one we all blame if it goes horribly
wrong. He has absorbed everyword of the cider-making book,
and can often be heard reciting chapters in hissleep, usually
in the corner of a pub after a day on the Thatchers. Having
gained this knowledge Gents is playing a key role in ensuring
the correct procedures are carried out during fermentation,
guiding our apples to their truealcoholic potential. email:hannahmorezider@hotmail.com
Jungle
Jim - Marketing Director responsibility:
Tenuous linking of cider & fire.
Jim,
not a real Jungle (although celebrities have been known
to shout "get me out of here" when confronted
by him), wrote all of the offensive bits on this website
- so anyone wanting to sue us please direct your lawsuits
to James at: hannahmorezider@hotmail.com
if you really want to mess with this man, but be warned-
you may get your fingers burnt. Or at least your house.
A natural at cider-making, by the end of the first day's
pressing Jim was literally scratting apples with his eyes
shut (mainly due to him being asleep after the 10 Thatchers
he had drank, rather than natural skill, but still impressive).
Lord
Lucan - Sales Director responsibility:
Persuading people we’re not trying to poison them
Lucan,
not a real Lord, has been invaluable to HMZ as the proprietor
of the Willows Cider Farm, where we have been able to make
and store the gorgeous juice. Lucan also came up with the
ingenious idea of propping the scratter up between two display
stands, which is the main reason why we all still had two
arms left at the end of the weekend. As well as guarding
the cider from any possible terrorist threats, Lucan will
also be leading our attempts to persuade the general public
that our produce will greatly improve their lives.. email:hannahmorezider@hotmail.com
Mad
Dog - Waste Disposal Director responsibility:
dumping, in every sense.
Mad
Dog was keen to take part in the cider-making on the Sunday,
but unfortunately his bowels disagreed, following an unpleasant
meeting with the produce of a local junk food supplier.
He was able to make up for this absence later in the week
by ensuring that the left-over pulp found its way to apple
heaven. Due to his love of knives, Mad Dog has also promised
to “waste” anyone who tries to mess with our
lovely cider. hannahmorezider@hotmail.com
Odd
- Logistics Director responsibility:
A ten mile queue behind him on the way back from the Orchard.
Odd,
along with his trusty Freelander plus Dog, Jungle and Gents,
led the assault on Glastonbury to reclaim half a tonne of
apples for Nailsea during a daring raid in the
middle of the night (8am). Armed only with 20 rubble
sacks and a rusty spade they used great stealth to fill
both the Freelander and the trailer, until they were dramatically
caught at the last minute by the farmer, and had to pay
him the £50 as previously agreed. Odd will now be
organising our fleet as we attempt to smuggle HMZ into the
homes and pubs of the unsuspecting public. email:hannahmorezider@hotmail.com
Ricardino
- Creative Director responsibility:
The logo, if you don’t like it
Exiled
in Loughborough Ricardino has so far been unable to assist
in any cider-making. He has proved useful in creating the
soon-to-be-legendary flaming apple logo, and improving the
quality of some photos. On his return from studying the
economics of cider at university (illustrated by the photo
on the right) he hopes to play a more active role in the
HMZ team. email:hannahmorezider@hotmail.com
Smithy
- IT Director responsibility:
Clearing the website of anti-Spurs abuse
Smithy
has proved to be very strict in his administration policies
so far, keeping the forum as a haven from the realities
of Spurs’ woeful performances. He regularly threatens
to smash the faces of anyone trying to set up bogus user
IDs, which in reality only scares those who haven’t
met him. In addition to his work on the forum Smithy also
made a brief appearance at the cider-making weekend.. email:hannahmorezider@hotmail.com
The
Dog - Finance Director responsibility:
HMZ's bank account being overdrawn.
As
HMZ’s resident accountant Dog has kept a tight hold
on the purse strings, but unfortunately he didn’t
reckon with his fellow directors using the account to finance
their indulgences in fast women (which turned out to be
women leaving fast). Dog also provided the trailer for apple
carrying, and safely negotiated the route back from Glastonbury
without losing a single one. email:hannahmorezider@hotmail.com
Jeff
the Chef - Chief Engineer responsibility:
HMZ having 2 completely different presses
Not
a real chef, Jeff was literally sent to Coventry while he
designed the presses we needed. When finally allowed back
into Nailsea he managed to use the designs to build 2 presses,
which bore little resemblence to each other. However, they
both did their jobs and squeezed the life out of the apples.
Jeff’s next assignment will be building us a scratter,
using only parts from disused lawnmowers. email:hannahmorezider@hotmail.com
Ridgey
- Junior Assistant to the Apple Washers responsibility:
The amount of sheep’s shit that found its way into
the scratter
After
much consideration Ridgey decided against a position on
the HMZ board, choosing instead to take a position we created
on a level roughly equivalent to slave. He made it through
the ordeal though, and hopefully will realise that his future
will be brighter in cider. email:hannahmorezider@hotmail.com
Rob
- Deputy Junior Assistant to the Apple Washers responsibility:
Stopping Ridgey’s hands getting cold
Another
too tight to invest in apples, Rob was brought in for a
brief spell when it seemed our slave was about to perish.
In the end they both survived, and seemed to have enjoyed
the cider-making so much they were even seen trying to press
each other on the way home from the pub that night.. email:hannahmorezider@hotmail.com
Will
- Website Wizard responsibility:
All headaches caused by the bright green background
Recruited
for the princely sum of four pints of cider and one Sister,
Will has given us much-needed technical support and put
this website together. Hopefully he’ll still be as
happy to help us once he has actual tasted the cider! email:hannahmorezider@hotmail.com
Ben
(or "Adge" to his
friends) - YTS Scheme Cider Maker responsibility:
Promotion of non-alcoholic cider
Whilst
Ben isn’t quite old enough to try the proper stuff
yet, he is gaining valuable experience in the world of cider.
Often seen lying on the floor with a bottle in hand, he
clearly has got the hang of the basics. His main roles during
cider-making weekend were motivational ones, encouraging
us to struggle on with the production through tough times
by shouting at us, doing wurzels-style-dancing, banging
on the window and waving a bottle of apple-juice - in the
knowledge that in only 17 years he will be able to try some
of our zider! email:hannahmorezider@hotmail.com
